


The Satsui no Hado and How To Ineffectively Deal With It

by sadifura



Category: Street Fighter
Genre: Dramedy, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-21
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2018-12-05 02:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11568324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadifura/pseuds/sadifura
Summary: A fanfic on how Ryu and Dan respectively deal with the Satsui no Hado's promise of destroying them from within and the times they succumb to it. Based on my experiences with my own disorders (BPD, dissociation, intrusive thoughts and psychosis namely).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> my mental health is bad today and i want to vent 
> 
> i do not own these characters but if yoshinori ono keeps making these characters lack their depth i swear to god

Ryu stared at the waterfall.

The rushing of the water going down the waterfall into the river was almost dizzying; still, he'd been staring at the landmark for about 20 minutes. 

"Ryu!" His friend, Ken Masters, was calling from the distance. He was with his wife, Eliza; she was heavily pregnant (this whole trip, Ken would remark how "she looked like she was ready to pop any second now!" which scared the living daylights out of her. It was one of the more amusing things Ryu's found this whole trip.)

What wasn't amusing right now, however, were his thoughts.

It was a constant stream of "smashsmashsmashsmash Ken's head in, punch Eliza in the stomach, do horrible things, kill yourself by throwing yourself into the rocks." It was the constant thudding, the constant "killkillkill" inside his head that was the Satsui no Hado, and only tuning out the world would make him better.

Only tuning out the world would make it so that he didn't hurt anyone.

"Ryu, buddy!" Ken's probably noticed by now; he's probably noticed him turning pale and staring off into space. "Eliza's going to go on without us!"

Ken Masters looked like a stereotypical "dumb blonde" of sorts. A pretty boy, a sort of smart ass who only was "smart" when it came to comebacks. But Ryu knew well that his friend was smart. 

He was perceptive, and he knew well enough about Ryu to know that the Hado was getting to him. It's almost as if he had a sixth sense.

"Ryu! I've got some Dramamine in the car, if you're getting sick, you should tell me!" Eliza called after him next. Eliza, being a normal New Yorker, didn't know about the Hado as well as Ken, but she's been told about it by him enough to know what was wrong with him, too. Her excuse about taking anti-nausea medication was a ploy to get Ryu into the car in case he started acting violent. Ryu knew this well, and he didn't want to trouble either of the two.

"I'm fine," he says, with a twinge of anxiety in his voice, "I'm just a little out of it, that's all."

Ken looked at Ryu, and the anxiety in Ryu's heart rose even further. _Don'tlookatmeI'llkillyousomethingbadwillhappenifyoulookatmeI'llrushatyoulikeawildape,_ he thought, his thoughts jumbled all together like vomit. 

He knew Ken was worried. That's what worried him most.

"Ryu, it's OK. If this trip is making it hard for you to distract yourself from the Hado, we can just turn around and go home. Me and Eliza's apartment is thirty minutes from here, we'll be fine."

Ryu nodded. "No, I don't want to ruin this trip for you. I'll go on ahead with you guys."

The three hiked up the mountain, all the way near the top of the waterfall. The rocky cliffs were near impossible to climb, but Ryu and Ken helped Eliza get up there anyway. The Hado was fading, and he felt great.

Until he looked at the bottom of the waterfall.

Suddenly, a rush of impulses began swirling in his mind. "Jump, jump, jump," he thought one moment, "push Eliza off," he thought the next. His chest tightened, and he could feel the vision in his eyes blur. _No, nononono...._

Even worse for Ryu, Ken had left. "I gotta take a whizzer," he said, very loudly, making Eliza laugh. Ken's gone off in the nearby woods, and Ryu's alone with Eliza Masters, the pregnant wife of his best friend. And without Ken, his fear of losing control has gotten even stronger.

"Ryu? What's going on?" 

The chirpy voice of Eliza sprung Ryu back to reality, and he smiled nervously. _Should I be honest?_ he thought, fearing that someone like Eliza wouldn't understand. Sure, Ken's told her about the Hado before, but someone like her, with no Ansatsuken experience, could never understand what he was going through. Or could she?

So he took the plunge, and spoke.

"Eliza, I'm not feeling the best right now," he said, plainly, almost feebly.

"Are you sick?" Eliza looked into his eyes and saw the raw pain, the raw disconnection, the raw _lack_ of himself.  
In a hushed whisper, she asked, "is it the Hado?"

Ryu nodded yes. "It's getting unbearable," he said, clutching his head. 

"Stay right there," Eliza said. "I'm gonna get some water for you."   
"No, you're pregnant. What if your water breaks and--"

Eliza put her hands on her hips and smiled. "Ryu, you worry too much! You worry about me more than my husband does! I'll just get a bottled water, Ken'll probably be back soon enough! Don't try anything stupid on me, got it?"

Ryu smiled. If there was one person that wasn't Ken that could cut through the Hado controlling him, it was her. Her pluckiness could practically cure all mental woes.

And he sat on the rocks, thinking of the Hado. How it came to him when he was fourteen, when his parents died. How afterwards he had been picked up by Master Gouken.

How Master Gouken had died recently.

"That's what set it off, wasn't it?" Ryu asked to the empty wilderness.

\----

Ken ran back to the stones where Ryu sat, finding him and Eliza sitting side by side, drinking water.

"So, what happened while I was gone?"

Ryu smiled. "We just talked."

"And the Hado?" Ken asked?

"It's faded for now. Eliza talked it out with me."

Eliza waved and stuck her tongue out at Ken. "See? You don't have to be some dumb Karate mystic to take care of that silly Hado! All you need is some therapy!"

And Ryu, Ken, and Eliza sat on the rocks, watching the waterfall rush into the river.


	2. Restart?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the dojo.

“Sakura, there’s something I want you to know.”

Black smoky grey substances emanated from his own fingertips. It’s almost like he couldn’t see his fingertips.

“Hibiki-san?” Sakura’s voice was echoing, as if someone shoved a microphone near her and a video was recording at the same time. “Are you sure you’re OK?”

Hot branded words etched painfully on his back. On his skin. 

Fatherfatherfatherfatherfatherfatherfatherfatherfatherfatherfather

Father father fa ther fath er fa ther fat her? 

I don’t think she could’ve seen it, he thought. But she probably saw.

“Hibiki-san.”

“Hibiki-san.”

“Hibiki-san.” It’s almost as if he was seeing in tunnel vision. Dan saw Sakura, but it was a fish eye lens version of Sakura. Is it Sakura? Or is it a video he’s watching? Dan felt like throwing up too. But the vomit would’ve probably burnt through the floor, burning his feet and melting off the wood. It was dizzying. It was electrifying. It was burning, etching, smoking, bleeding into fantasy.

“Sakura, I think in absolutes.” The words came out like they weren’t his own words, but rather from a deep part in his brain that didn’t exist yet. It wasn’t him? But it was. Something he knew too well. Not him but him.

“I----’m gett----ing Bla-n-ka, O---ooooo----oooo-o-o-o-o-o oooooo----K?” 

It was completely distorted, her words and her face. It wasn’t Sakura. It was a blob of mass that deserved to die without hesitation. 

Without thinking, I raise my hand up, he thought.

Without thinking, he raises his fist to his throat. 

Without thinking--------------

\---------------------does he ever think?

 

HE DOESN’T THINK

HE ONLY EXPERIENCES

HE NEVER THINKS

BUT FEELS IT ALL

HE------

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------[Dan Hibiki has blacked out. Would you like to try again?]

White light.

A shimmering white light, floating in front of him. 

Like a glowing him, but nude. 

Is this a dream? A hallucination?

But he felt the blood on his lips and shot up.

“S-Sakura?!” 

And just like that, the girl cried. “Hibiki-san, don’t ever do that ever again!” 

Dan smiled. “Sakura, I only hit my head and fell asleep. It’s not that bad, right?”

Sakura was stone-faced; a stark contrast from her usual expressiveness. She looked at him for a moment; and then, she smiled.

“It was nothing. You didn’t do anything but black out.”

Somewhere, Dan felt a dark fuzzy energy at the back of his head. Like he’s floating out of his body.

But he put it in the back of his mind; he’s got a student to teach!

He's---------!

And he looks at his hand, and he swore his hand just faded up and down his body.


End file.
